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Amazing Wrestling Extravaganza
The Amazing Wrestling Extravaganza was a series of written scenarios for a set of elimination round fights that took place in late 2002. They were written by FPL creators Abdiel and Lord Thayer, who alternated writing duties. Part 1: Aliana Therou Vs. Mary “Hello, this is Lord Thayer coming to you Live and Kicking here at the Greater Khazan Oily-Things-Wrestlo-Dome-somewhere-in-the-swamp-Extravaganza! We have a special treat for you in this set of Elim scenarios for we will cross the paths of some of the hottest females to ever grace their presence in the FPL. All of them have had fights before, but I bet none of them had to fight against the elements of oily substances while doing it! We take you now to our first match up and to the referee for the rules....” “I want a good clean fight, yes I know that’s pretty Ironic seeing that you’ll both be caked in mud soon but still I like to say it. There will be no complaining about the sexist style that these scenarios are written in. Now shake hands and go to your corners....” “There’s the bell and this fight has begun, and since all of you reading this didn’t buy the pay-per-view version we will only be announcing the beginnings of the fights. Sorry, but that’s the way it goes, you’ll be able to visualize the fights anyway you little devils out there. We take you now to the 2nd Ringside with another match that will be starting momentarily.... Abby, are you there?” Part 2: Meredith Xenakis Vs. D.F.C. "Daniel" “Thank you Thayer! We here at AWE entertainment always love to hear from our corporate sponsors, so without further ado, our official DollarCorp Representative and Model, ‘Daniel’!” “Buy the new DollarCorp late-summer line of UV, Radiation, and Toxin resistant, Insect Repellant Adjustable Translucency Bathing Suits. Or I’ll be forced to hunt down each and every one of you.” “After wearing a translucent bikini for the whole world to see, I’d be mad enough to hunt people down too! And now, an exhibition Mud match between our corporate sponsor and the reigning High School Champion, Miss Xenakis! ...Miss Xenakis? Um, you’re supposed to be wearing a bathing suit, you see, and....” “....” “Um... what was I saying? Nevermind. Anyway, let the match begin! Back to you, Thayer!” Part 3: Glaucon Vs. Clan of a Thousand IOUs "Thanks Abdiel.... We’re back at the Ali VS. Mary match and what’s this? Both contestants have stopped fighting and are looking over at the Beer tents. Let’s see if we can get a closer shot of what going on. We take you to our Beer correspondent Mr. Heinous Khan....” “Yes, thank you Thayer, *hic* All I can see is a total waste of Alcohol here, I mean this guy in a robe just starts going nuts.... Beer kegs are being flung out of nowhere at things that I can’t even see until they die in little black heaps of I don’t know what! It’s pandemonium over here, and what’s worse is that there is no line to the beer tent, and yet I still can’t get a beer. This is so cruel MAN!” *starts sobbing* “...Okay I think that’s enough from Mr. Khan.... Ohh, I hear the crowd cheering behind me, something must be up on Abdiel’s end.... Abdiel, back to you....” Part 4: Gwynen Quayle Vs. Elwin D’Larthi “Woo! That’s some wild action! And now... break out the campfires and long, pointy sticks, because, much like Thayer’s belly, things are about to get white and squishy! That’s right, it’s time for a Marshmallow Pit Match between two of our fiercest female fighters! In the red corner, weighing in at it’s-none-of-your-business, the Spell-Slinging She-devil Swordswoman Supreme, Elwin DeeeeeeeeeeeeeeLarthi!” “One more crappy alliteration and I’ll shove this sword straight up your-” “Oookay, moving on. In the Blue Corner, and I have to say that I love your outfit, weighing in at a-ack!” “Death is too kind a fate for a worm such as yourself.” “Um, in any case, let the marshmallowy goodness begin! While I’m still in one piece, back to you, Thayer!” Part 5: Red Factor: Rebecca Vs. Red & Rosario...In Love? “Thanks Abby, Ahh, what a great match up this was, and our winner is Rebecca, the Cyber Picture girl soon to be seen in an Al Pacino Sequel to that movie with him in it that hasn’t come out yet, or has it. Oh wait, it looks like Rebecca has a fan. Wait a moment, Men aren’t supposed to be in the ring with the women, this goes against all of our sexist warnings from before. We’ll have to take you back to Abdiel for the moment while the referee deals with this guy getting booed at by onlookers cause he’s trying to get in the ring....” Part 6: Chick Magnet Vs. Pamela King “Thanks, Thayer! And now, just when you thought you couldn’t take anymore... there’s always, always room for Jello! That's right, loyal fans, we’re bringing slippery gelatin goodness to you, in Fight Form! One miss Hannah Ilander will be taking on... where exactly is your opponent?” “What do you mean opponent? You told me OTO! would be here!” “Erm.... Well, just climb into the Jello vat and I’m sure we'll find him! Now where’s Miss King....” “Are you here? Are you safe? It’s so cold....” “Ah, there you are, now just climb down into the vat and we’ll get started. HEY, that’s not fair, you’re supposed to go INTO the vat, not phase through it!” “We’ll take care of you later, announcer person.” “Ulp. Well, here’s to Lime-flavored Violence before my imminent demise. One last time, take it away, Thayer!” Part 7: Nadia Young Vs. Miria Maximoff “Yes folks, It’s getting to be that time again.... Time for ‘audience member chooses the substance fighters to be fighting in’ round! Can I have you’re name sir?” “Pie.” “Now, what would you like these perfectly built women to fight in?” “Movie theatre coconut oil that they use to pop popcorn.” “There you have it, and here comes the franchise popcorn oil down the special tubes from above. Man, it’s almost as if the person writing this scenario actually asked Pie in chat before he wrote this or something. Oh, and they’re dumping it on the women now.... This is going to be great. The two contestants take their positions on the slip and slide outfitted ring floor.... There’s the bell, and it’s fighting time!”